WHAT happened?

Things have changed; there is sadness, there is hope.

The greatest part of my life is entwined with Grace Church - more than a job, this group of people allows me to channel my passion into the very people I care most about. I think everyone who works here appreciates that this 'job' demands considerably more than other career paths. Yet it is an utter joy and honour to work in the areas of ministry which land at the top of my list of 'meaningful things'.

So when things shift in the centre of Grace Church, I am effected.

I remember back to a poem I wrote in my 'dark night of the soul' which began with the words: 'the wisdom of heart is none at all'. Once again I am dragged back from complete introspection and obedience to my emotions and am spun around to the Lord who knows me, loves me, and has given me all I need for life and Godliness (2 Peter 1:3). As someone whose face reads like a book, I am still pretty bad at reading my emotions and dealing with them well. It is too easy to slump into them and resist the truth of God which beckons me into the arms of the Father.

Nick Sharp has played a huge role in my life. He showed me what drinking in the Holy Spirit looks like. His teaching propelled my soul from lukewarm dregs to boiling heat. His stories of evangelism challenged me during my own crunch times so many times. The Nick gap is as yet undefined and will be cast in sharper relief as time passes.

I'm sad to lose such regular contact with my friend who helped me so much. Nick encouraged me to pursue goals which I would have never considered. He reminded me time and again of the grace of God which defines my identity. Penny became a real friend in latter years. We led a group together, dreamed of loving a group of women with broken lives. We laughed hysterically and cried and drank wine.

I do not fear for the future of Grace Church. God was not taken by surprise at this turn of events and He has been working in and with us to prepare the ground for this season. Decisions, meetings, plans which seemed inconsequential are now proven to be wise and critically required. The foundations laid are strong. We continue to build and stretch beyond where we have been. I am not worried. God is here. But I am sad.

I lift up my eyes to the mountains - where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth. Psalm 121:1-2

My life in a song

I wrote this song some years ago while living in Uganda and struggling with knowing my purpose. This verse speaks of forsaking God and trying to replace Him and His purposes with our own - broken cisterns that cannot hold water.  

Jeremiah 2:13 'My people have committed two sins: They have forsaken me, the spring of living water, and have dug their own cisterns, broken cisterns that cannot hold water'

Enjoy!


When my heart runs after others, when my soul knows no peace,
When my tears run dry and wine of life's flow is all but ceased - 
Then I'll seek my Lover, my heart will find its home,
My mind will know the peace of God where dreams begin to grow.
Carrying heavy buckets, straining arm and limb
When all the time I should have bathed my feet within Him:
The source of holy water, the stream of love and life,
The final place to find God's grace and who I am in Christ.

When the clouds of boredom bear down with purpose unrealised,
When 'whys' and 'where's' and 'who's' and 'there's' flood over gentle sighs -
Simply turn the corner, walk the other way
Into the arms of Father who saw me from far away
Carrying heavy burdens, straining heart and soul
When all the time I could have found in Him my home.
A father to the friendless, a shelter for the least,
The One who'll run to say 'well done, come join Me in My feast'. 

This song still sings my soul, it continues to most eloquently express my heart to God and clarify my feelings when I am muddled and blurry. It cuts through and refocuses me in a unique way, and I am grateful to God for giving us words and music to speak truth which divides bone from marrow. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0WmiPUUQsDI