My greatest joy and challenge is found in leading the 12 o'clock service. It started 18 months ago as a solution to the question 'what next?' following several years of running a Food Bank. We knew people, we had tried to have 'the chat' about Jesus, we had given out thousands of slices of toast and were left wanting more.
So we cook delicious food, open up the doors and see 20-25 people come on a Wednesday for lunch and a 1 hour easy-access church service.
We sang 'here I am to worship' yesterday and I was struck by the line 'here I am to say that you're my God'. By acknowledging the relationship of God to me, I am changed. He is my provider, my strong one, my life-giver - He is my God. And I am daughter, beloved, cared for - for He is my God. Wow!
Joy is found in knowing without a doubt that God CAN help anyone, more than that, God wants to. Seeing God do what only He can - healing shoulders and backs, saving people into eternal life, giving comfort in the face of terrible circumstances lends moments of knowing there is nothing better. Seeing people week by week move from trust-less isolationism into warm friendliness towards us and God is wonderful.
And yet the lives which clothe these precious people who bear the likeness of God are maddening. I am furious at the stranglehold of addiction, the debilitation of mental illness, the repetition of destructive behaviour worn into the fingertips of people over years. So often disappointment follows a spiritual triumph and it is easy to sink into despondency and dream of being whisked to heaven away from the struggle and into the perfect and magnificent presence of God. And I long to take my 12 o'clock friends with me. Drama queen: yes.
Yet, this is a life I am grateful for. It is littered with disappointment and failure but I would choose no other. For God gives my heart joy every day, He gives my mind peace, He gives me perspective and purpose and the joy of interacting with the people I most care about. What more can a girl ask for?
