Wollaton Park, 8.30am on Sunday morning: cold, crunchy frost, long shadows and dazzling sunlight. It was beautiful. Almost empty of people, deer battling through the white to get to the grass. A time to walk, to pray, to identify specific thoughts and yearnings and hear the whispered questions of God which burrow down to the root and suggests solutions.
I've been missing Tanzania a lot and I was only there for 1 week in September 2011! Something about Mt Kilimanjaro has dug deep into my soul and given me a thirst for magnificence and beauty. I crave standing and looking at the Mountain. Its size; the challenge of the steep slopes, the life on its gentle slopes - it has captured me.
People nonchalantly go about their lives in the shadow of the Mountain - multiple towns in Tanzania and Kenya are in the 'Kilimanjaro' region, and it is visible for miles. There must be a forgetfulness among locals of what they are living near - it is normal to them. And yet it represents a splendour that is breathtaking for those who are seeking to be there. Countless travellers spend thousands of pounds to climb the Mountain. Accidental visitors, like me, stumble across the region and are consumed by its presence.
My hosts in Tanzania, William and Eunice (friends from Sawyers Church in Brentwood) have lived in Moshi for years, and help run Berea Bible College which trains local church leaders (a lot of them are Maasai warriors). 1 or 2 special evenings were spent with W&E walking around Moshi airfield, long since abandoned for any actual flight; walking the flat, warm ground under the watchful gaze of the incredible Mountain mere miles away. The shadow cast by Kili as the sun set was extraordinary, and reached even us.
Another day, I took a matatu part way up the mountain for a coffee tour on the slopes. Mike, my guide, showed me the entire process of growing, picking, drying and roasting coffee which was an absolute dream. We passed a trading centre and he told me that the coffee would be sold fairtrade to Starbucks and Cafe Direct. Simple people going about life for multiple generations, handling the beans that would then be drunk in Starbucks - amazing.
These experiences have deepened my life and birthed a need for beauty. I yearn for breathtaking moments of awe and enjoyment. There are obvious parallels between Mount Kili and our great God. An experience of Him deepens our lives and causes a hunger for more. We can become thoughtless and apathetic in the presence of God, not realising that our nearness to the Mountain is envied and sought by many. He provides a home for those living near Him. His influence and 'shadow' reaches indiscriminately.
The Mountain has taught me something about God. And yet, Kilimanjaro is only a servant of the Lord, a creation of His hand, just like you and I. At His command, this almighty structure would crumble. The permanence of the Mountain is subject to the will of the eternal God.
I lift up my eyes to the hills. From where does my help come? My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth. Psalm 121:1-2
Tuesday, December 4, 2012
Friday, November 9, 2012
Iron sharpens Iron
Do you hear the same message multiple times in one week and wonder if God is trying to tell you something?
Willow Creek 'Wiser Together' sermon series from Proverbs... iron sharpens iron. My friend Emma told me last night that iron sharpens iron... On the radio this morning I have just heard the verse for the day - yep, Proverbs 27:17 'As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.'
So what does this mean?
If someone has God-like character, an attitude of being a constant disciple of Christ, a relentless pursuit of doing what Jesus did and obeying the whispers of the Spirit - THEY are worth being around. They will rub off. Similarly, if someone has slightly worse language, slightly worse taste in movies and slightly more tolerance of mediocrity, they will rub off.
Dilemma: does that mean that I need to ditch anyone who doesn't inspire me to greater Godliness? I'm in danger of shrinking my circle somewhat. Perhaps not, but I guess it is good to get a date in the diary for good quality time with people who are further on than me in their dedication to God. Life is thickened and flavoured by thought and action provoked by people who are IN the middle of something exciting, not just talking about it.
They may even be dead... in books. Take Mother Teresa or Jonathan Edwards, the original Christian hedonist who so inspired John Piper. They stepped out alone into a lower level of living, and continue to inspire us now to do likewise perhaps within the framework of a 'normal' 9-5 life or in a counter-cultural way. I want this so deeply.
My problem is I have a fierce independence having taken so many important steps on my own (alongside Jesus, of course; solitary but not alone). So many of my adventures and memories have been shared with Him only that I find it very tough to include others in my plans and dreams. I guess this becomes the mentality of a lot of non-married gals. We've been told all our lives that we can do anything, and so we go for it, and then we remember that actually living and working in community is better... dang.
Iron sharpens iron - I am better when among others. Even though the ideas God plants in my heart may be unpopular and I have a fight with those He has called me to be among! It is easier alone. But it is not better. And so if you get a call inviting you for a coffee, it's because you're iron and I wanna be around you!
The amazing thing is that as you sharpen (inspire, move to change, release dreams in) me, I sharpen you too.
Willow Creek 'Wiser Together' sermon series from Proverbs... iron sharpens iron. My friend Emma told me last night that iron sharpens iron... On the radio this morning I have just heard the verse for the day - yep, Proverbs 27:17 'As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.'
So what does this mean?
If someone has God-like character, an attitude of being a constant disciple of Christ, a relentless pursuit of doing what Jesus did and obeying the whispers of the Spirit - THEY are worth being around. They will rub off. Similarly, if someone has slightly worse language, slightly worse taste in movies and slightly more tolerance of mediocrity, they will rub off.
Dilemma: does that mean that I need to ditch anyone who doesn't inspire me to greater Godliness? I'm in danger of shrinking my circle somewhat. Perhaps not, but I guess it is good to get a date in the diary for good quality time with people who are further on than me in their dedication to God. Life is thickened and flavoured by thought and action provoked by people who are IN the middle of something exciting, not just talking about it.
They may even be dead... in books. Take Mother Teresa or Jonathan Edwards, the original Christian hedonist who so inspired John Piper. They stepped out alone into a lower level of living, and continue to inspire us now to do likewise perhaps within the framework of a 'normal' 9-5 life or in a counter-cultural way. I want this so deeply.
My problem is I have a fierce independence having taken so many important steps on my own (alongside Jesus, of course; solitary but not alone). So many of my adventures and memories have been shared with Him only that I find it very tough to include others in my plans and dreams. I guess this becomes the mentality of a lot of non-married gals. We've been told all our lives that we can do anything, and so we go for it, and then we remember that actually living and working in community is better... dang.
Iron sharpens iron - I am better when among others. Even though the ideas God plants in my heart may be unpopular and I have a fight with those He has called me to be among! It is easier alone. But it is not better. And so if you get a call inviting you for a coffee, it's because you're iron and I wanna be around you!
The amazing thing is that as you sharpen (inspire, move to change, release dreams in) me, I sharpen you too.
Monday, October 29, 2012
Heaven and Hell
Saturday.
5.15am unwelcome explosion from the alarm, stumble into taxi at 6, onto train at 6.28 and snoozed to London listening to a bit of vintage DC Talk whilst anticipating the Woman to Woman conference and hoping Heidi Baker would be as phenomenal as I anticipated.
Bitterly cold, no coat, enjoyed the view over London from Ally Pally (Alexandra Palace) whilst joining the first of many queues with 4,300 other women. Encounter 1: Aunty Rosie.
Blew my Slimming World day allowance by buying a muffin. Encounter 2: Nadia H and Gill F from Sawyers in Brentwood. We dutifully filed into the Grand Hall to be met with the sight of thousands of women worshipping God. Immediate tears. Danielle Strickland - looks a lot like Ellen Degeneres - speaking on the 2 Hebrew midwives in Exodus who saved Moses' life because they loved God more than they feared Pharoah. Coffee with Aunty Rosie and a great chat. Session 2 with J John, pleasing men-are-stupid jokes mixed in with goooooood teaching. Cried.
Lunch. Mostly spent queuing, deciding the queue was too long, finding another queue, changing my mind, finding another queue. £8.50 on sandwich and crisps (also non-Slimming World) with a S. Sudanese woman - late for session 3. Jill Briscoe, a snappy and smiling 77 year old Brit who has lived in the States for 42 years and spent 22 years in the fourth world (third world inhabitants have bread and water; fourth world do not). Cried.
Encounter 3: Christine and Gwyn R from Peterborough.
FINALLY Heidi Baker. I missed the first part, face on the floor as the Spirit literally creased me in half until I was on the floor. Shabba included. Yielding to God, stories of reaching Mozambican islanders who never heard the Gospel and all responded... ALL of them, and then the chief gave her land for the church to meet. A recent story. I LOVE it. She is intimate with Jesus, daily filled with the Spirit, and living a life of love and submission, relying on her team of 8-12 year old kids who make up the prayer ministry team who prophesy and pray for healing. Worried about catching the train, left before the end. Bitterly cold, met a nice Welsh girl called Jo on the bus and tube to Finsbury Park - farewell with 'see you the other side'. Can't wait.
Struggled with whether to go to neighbours' Halloween party, and reluctantly mumbled 'OK, I'll go' to God as He reminded me if I wasn't there, there would be no light. 1 hour chatting before the tiredness took over so I ate a floating eye-ball and bid adieu to the blood-soaked gang.
Hungry.
Not only because of over-consumption of bread and subsequent craving of all things bulky. But also hungry to know God more, to see Him, to know His design for my life better (I'm sure I miss a LOT of opportunities because I am not paying attention or am stuck in front of the TV). Perhaps not grand and glorious endeavours like Heidi, but small attentions to desperately unhappy people...
Inviting a friend for dinner...
Buying a Big Issue seller a good cuppa coffee...
Helping a drunk person...
Kind words to mum...
Living on less, curbing the constant consumption and chasing Jesus, relying on others for help.
Ooh, tough.
Blessed are those who hunger...
5.15am unwelcome explosion from the alarm, stumble into taxi at 6, onto train at 6.28 and snoozed to London listening to a bit of vintage DC Talk whilst anticipating the Woman to Woman conference and hoping Heidi Baker would be as phenomenal as I anticipated.
Bitterly cold, no coat, enjoyed the view over London from Ally Pally (Alexandra Palace) whilst joining the first of many queues with 4,300 other women. Encounter 1: Aunty Rosie.
Blew my Slimming World day allowance by buying a muffin. Encounter 2: Nadia H and Gill F from Sawyers in Brentwood. We dutifully filed into the Grand Hall to be met with the sight of thousands of women worshipping God. Immediate tears. Danielle Strickland - looks a lot like Ellen Degeneres - speaking on the 2 Hebrew midwives in Exodus who saved Moses' life because they loved God more than they feared Pharoah. Coffee with Aunty Rosie and a great chat. Session 2 with J John, pleasing men-are-stupid jokes mixed in with goooooood teaching. Cried.
Lunch. Mostly spent queuing, deciding the queue was too long, finding another queue, changing my mind, finding another queue. £8.50 on sandwich and crisps (also non-Slimming World) with a S. Sudanese woman - late for session 3. Jill Briscoe, a snappy and smiling 77 year old Brit who has lived in the States for 42 years and spent 22 years in the fourth world (third world inhabitants have bread and water; fourth world do not). Cried.
Encounter 3: Christine and Gwyn R from Peterborough.
FINALLY Heidi Baker. I missed the first part, face on the floor as the Spirit literally creased me in half until I was on the floor. Shabba included. Yielding to God, stories of reaching Mozambican islanders who never heard the Gospel and all responded... ALL of them, and then the chief gave her land for the church to meet. A recent story. I LOVE it. She is intimate with Jesus, daily filled with the Spirit, and living a life of love and submission, relying on her team of 8-12 year old kids who make up the prayer ministry team who prophesy and pray for healing. Worried about catching the train, left before the end. Bitterly cold, met a nice Welsh girl called Jo on the bus and tube to Finsbury Park - farewell with 'see you the other side'. Can't wait.
Struggled with whether to go to neighbours' Halloween party, and reluctantly mumbled 'OK, I'll go' to God as He reminded me if I wasn't there, there would be no light. 1 hour chatting before the tiredness took over so I ate a floating eye-ball and bid adieu to the blood-soaked gang.
Hungry.
Not only because of over-consumption of bread and subsequent craving of all things bulky. But also hungry to know God more, to see Him, to know His design for my life better (I'm sure I miss a LOT of opportunities because I am not paying attention or am stuck in front of the TV). Perhaps not grand and glorious endeavours like Heidi, but small attentions to desperately unhappy people...
Inviting a friend for dinner...
Buying a Big Issue seller a good cuppa coffee...
Helping a drunk person...
Kind words to mum...
Living on less, curbing the constant consumption and chasing Jesus, relying on others for help.
Ooh, tough.
Blessed are those who hunger...
Wednesday, October 24, 2012
When hope is lost I'll call you Saviour
I gave a lift home to a guy on Monday after Alpha and got talking about Uganda and the run-up to moving away. I was reminded of the unique, special and devastating year before climbing on a plane for Africa, and all that God taught and showed me through a period of exceptionally tough circumstances.
I loved a boy. We fell in love in November 2008, and spent 9 months living in each others' pockets dreaming of the future and planning to get married. He was extraordinary - passionate for God and adventure, completely engaging and I loved him with all I was. On 15th August 2009 we broke up, and I was left shattered. During our relationship, I had allowed myself to become shrivelled to fit in his shadow, determined only to support him in his ministry and conveniently forgetting my own. My relationship with God took a backseat, and any time with friends was considered second-best compared to being with him. Something was sealed in my heart the first time I said 'I love you'.
For one year, I mourned. My future was lost because it had become wrapped up in him. My present had dissolved since I had given up interests, hobbies and friends in order to be with him. (For the record, none of this was his fault - I did it quite willingly.) The first 2 weeks, I laid in bed at home crying and devouring the Bible. The only time I felt any peace, the only time the tears stopped was when the Word of God was open and pounding through my imagination as I read. I stopped reading only to sleep, and be awoken with another gut-wrenching sob.
2 months later, my family suffered a terrible shock and we entered into the long, low journey of walking alongside a family member going through his own valley.
And yet, my flat in Brentwood became Jesus' home. I turned off the TV for a solid year and lost appetite for everything other than prayer, reading the Bible and consuming books written by Christian authors, most significantly Shane Claiborne. I knew Jesus in an intense way, moment-by-moment as I wept, prayed and submitted my tattered life to Him. 'If this is it, You can have it'.
He gave me a deep desire at the root of my heart to engage with poverty - to go and meet the poorest of the poor and become part of their lives. There was nothing I wanted more than to sell everything and go to Africa. And exactly one year to the day, on 15th August 2010, I flew to Kampala and started working for a Christian charity called Oasis in a slum called Kyebando.
And so why this slightly depressing recollection now? Well, because it is good to remember the grace of God that is particularly potent when we are particularly broken. It is good to remember that going through a tough time propels you into the arms of the Father, and forces you to shut off the utterly inconsequential (thanks John Piper) and engage with real meaning. Sometimes God changes the inner road of your direction and steers you off to the left, in my case, the extreme left. My life now is richer and fuller because I went to Uganda, which came about because I experienced terrible heartbreak.
So, was it worth it? To love, and lose, and find life on a different track?
I reckon so! And now, back on the 'normal' road of life, work, church, friends; with the daily struggles of finance, family and balancing life, I kinda wish I could revisit one day in the 'year of heartbreak' to feel again the warmth of intimacy with Christ, and the hunger to the point of starvation I felt for the Word of God.
If you are in a hard time - turn off the TV and find a spot to get to know Jesus. Warning: you may end up in Uganda.
I loved a boy. We fell in love in November 2008, and spent 9 months living in each others' pockets dreaming of the future and planning to get married. He was extraordinary - passionate for God and adventure, completely engaging and I loved him with all I was. On 15th August 2009 we broke up, and I was left shattered. During our relationship, I had allowed myself to become shrivelled to fit in his shadow, determined only to support him in his ministry and conveniently forgetting my own. My relationship with God took a backseat, and any time with friends was considered second-best compared to being with him. Something was sealed in my heart the first time I said 'I love you'.
For one year, I mourned. My future was lost because it had become wrapped up in him. My present had dissolved since I had given up interests, hobbies and friends in order to be with him. (For the record, none of this was his fault - I did it quite willingly.) The first 2 weeks, I laid in bed at home crying and devouring the Bible. The only time I felt any peace, the only time the tears stopped was when the Word of God was open and pounding through my imagination as I read. I stopped reading only to sleep, and be awoken with another gut-wrenching sob.
2 months later, my family suffered a terrible shock and we entered into the long, low journey of walking alongside a family member going through his own valley.
And yet, my flat in Brentwood became Jesus' home. I turned off the TV for a solid year and lost appetite for everything other than prayer, reading the Bible and consuming books written by Christian authors, most significantly Shane Claiborne. I knew Jesus in an intense way, moment-by-moment as I wept, prayed and submitted my tattered life to Him. 'If this is it, You can have it'.
He gave me a deep desire at the root of my heart to engage with poverty - to go and meet the poorest of the poor and become part of their lives. There was nothing I wanted more than to sell everything and go to Africa. And exactly one year to the day, on 15th August 2010, I flew to Kampala and started working for a Christian charity called Oasis in a slum called Kyebando.
And so why this slightly depressing recollection now? Well, because it is good to remember the grace of God that is particularly potent when we are particularly broken. It is good to remember that going through a tough time propels you into the arms of the Father, and forces you to shut off the utterly inconsequential (thanks John Piper) and engage with real meaning. Sometimes God changes the inner road of your direction and steers you off to the left, in my case, the extreme left. My life now is richer and fuller because I went to Uganda, which came about because I experienced terrible heartbreak.
So, was it worth it? To love, and lose, and find life on a different track?
I reckon so! And now, back on the 'normal' road of life, work, church, friends; with the daily struggles of finance, family and balancing life, I kinda wish I could revisit one day in the 'year of heartbreak' to feel again the warmth of intimacy with Christ, and the hunger to the point of starvation I felt for the Word of God.
If you are in a hard time - turn off the TV and find a spot to get to know Jesus. Warning: you may end up in Uganda.
Wednesday, October 17, 2012
Temples and Trees
I have been re-reading the blog of Charlotte & Jon Temple who came to Uganda for 3 months in 2010 and whose friendship and on-the-same-page-ness I really value. I am having a moment of heart-filled affection and wanted to share. A particular highlight has been reading about their trip to Sipi Falls and the unfortunate demise of the Herbal Essences lady... For anyone interested in Ugandan culture and wanting to map a story of spiritual growth, visit charlotteandjon.com and look at the Blog from Uganda. A confession: I only discovered their similarly excellent English Blog today... and I am enjoying it immensely whilst also lamenting that I did not see each post when they were written.
Today, Wednesday 17th October, I realised that I am older today than I have ever been which sparked a trail of reflection. Am I more wise, spiritually mature, knowledgeable and loving towards God today than ever before? Am I more active in all He has called and commissioned me to do? Do I know, love and value Jesus more than ever? Do I strive with longer steps towards heaven bent on a journey of friendship, evangelism, care and focus?
A resounding nope.
And yet among the feelings of disappointment and half-heartedness, Ephesians 1 reminds me that we are blessed in the heavenly realms, chosen to be holy and blameless before the creation of the world, predestined for adoption by God, redeemed through Jesus' blood, forgiven, invited to know the mystery of God's will, guaranteed inheritance. More than that, God delights in us with passion and affection, treasuring our uniqueness and specific bundle of abilities to go where He leads and do as He asks.
Today, there are the grey waters of failure, laziness and disobedience flooding my mind, but instead I (want to) choose to lift my gaze above the horizon onto Jesus. I know that I am not all I should be. And I know that God welcomes me into His throne room today with unbridled, determined love. He knows I am not all I should be! And yet He fills me with His own Essence so that I can throw off my weakness and rely only on His strength. He has covered my past, present and future failings and fully doled out their due punishment. It is done, settled, and I am free to live clothed in the righteousness and acceptability of Christ. I am a daughter of God, loved by Him, given a future and a hope.
I want to change, I want my life to change. I want to know the red-alert urgency of evangelism, the dog-tiredness of serving, the citric invigoration of pennies dropping and the soul-fullness of providing basic supplies to one in need.
Perhaps due to Charlotte's new-found enjoyment of gardening and frequent references to green-fingeredness being linked to Godliness, I picture a tall, wide tree similar to the one below in the picture taken in Tanzania. I pray that God will prune away unnecessary shoots, and focus me upon my primary growth, so I can bear fruit. I want to drink living water, and find my identity, value and purpose in God's stream and not from my own broken bucket (Jer 2:13). I want to bear fruit of God's Spirit, and provide shade to wanderers.
Today, Wednesday 17th October, I realised that I am older today than I have ever been which sparked a trail of reflection. Am I more wise, spiritually mature, knowledgeable and loving towards God today than ever before? Am I more active in all He has called and commissioned me to do? Do I know, love and value Jesus more than ever? Do I strive with longer steps towards heaven bent on a journey of friendship, evangelism, care and focus?
A resounding nope.
And yet among the feelings of disappointment and half-heartedness, Ephesians 1 reminds me that we are blessed in the heavenly realms, chosen to be holy and blameless before the creation of the world, predestined for adoption by God, redeemed through Jesus' blood, forgiven, invited to know the mystery of God's will, guaranteed inheritance. More than that, God delights in us with passion and affection, treasuring our uniqueness and specific bundle of abilities to go where He leads and do as He asks.
Today, there are the grey waters of failure, laziness and disobedience flooding my mind, but instead I (want to) choose to lift my gaze above the horizon onto Jesus. I know that I am not all I should be. And I know that God welcomes me into His throne room today with unbridled, determined love. He knows I am not all I should be! And yet He fills me with His own Essence so that I can throw off my weakness and rely only on His strength. He has covered my past, present and future failings and fully doled out their due punishment. It is done, settled, and I am free to live clothed in the righteousness and acceptability of Christ. I am a daughter of God, loved by Him, given a future and a hope.
I want to change, I want my life to change. I want to know the red-alert urgency of evangelism, the dog-tiredness of serving, the citric invigoration of pennies dropping and the soul-fullness of providing basic supplies to one in need.
Perhaps due to Charlotte's new-found enjoyment of gardening and frequent references to green-fingeredness being linked to Godliness, I picture a tall, wide tree similar to the one below in the picture taken in Tanzania. I pray that God will prune away unnecessary shoots, and focus me upon my primary growth, so I can bear fruit. I want to drink living water, and find my identity, value and purpose in God's stream and not from my own broken bucket (Jer 2:13). I want to bear fruit of God's Spirit, and provide shade to wanderers.
Thursday, October 11, 2012
In loving memory
Today is the 11th October 2012, and I am dragging myself through the week of normality, remembering back to times of heat, smells, crowds and rhythm in Uganda. Re-reading all my blog posts has not helped very much, as I remember the inner turmoil of daily poverty and the vivid reality of looking a brother or sister in the face and deciding what to do. I recall specific moments of interaction, and almost overflowing with love. I have not felt that since moving back from Uganda, and I pray to do so very soon. God - bring me people to know and love as dearly as those in Kampala!
It is cold in the UK - physically cold, but also relationally and spiritually cold. Investing in one person, trying to introduce them to Jesus seems a massive undertaking. In Africa it is easy - you see someone's abject poverty, give them a coin and a smile, and walk away immediately gratified knowing that you have done something small but meaningful. The greater issues of poverty are not confronted: holistic change through education, relief from corruption and the energy required by every community member to change habits. Poverty in Africa is hot, dusty, smelly, thorough and complicated.
Poverty in the UK is cold, bound by red-tape and equally complicated. As we all know, poverty here does not involve widespread homelessness, desperate illness and malnutrition (although increasingly it does involve these things), but fundamentally it centres around depression, loneliness and boredom. Oh, and spiritual deprivation, of course. The poverty is real, but people are less likely to ask for help or even recognise their own need.
The balance of life is not yet perfect - my time is divided up into the typical segments of work, home, church and 'other', but there is not yet a substantial portion allocated to 'social justice'. I moved to Nottingham to obey the call of God to return to Grace Church (which is wonderful, by the way) and get involved in social justice. My raison d'etre is still in the formative stage, and it is sometimes a little tedious waiting for the finished article of 'purpose' sown into each week-to-view of my diary.
Having said that, I have a great job with a Christian company committed to providing good, Biblical books to inspire and deepen faith. My excellent housemate and I have spent time getting to know the neighbours so as to share the Gospel over time. I am helping monthly with Street Pastors, and with a feeding programme and food bank in Nottingham. Some people are never happy!
God has kindly given me a book to help during this transitional time; 'This Ordinary Adventure', written by a couple who have lived all over the world as missionaries, and are now trying to 'settle' back into life in the United States. Their struggles, insight and reflections are precious. They sum up so much of what I feel, and I cannot wait to see how God brings them into a new, Western adventure that matters and satisfies them.
Moving to Uganda was tough, and living there was difficult and conjoured an impossible number of emotions and thoughts. Moving from Uganda was easy... until recently when I have begun to miss the urgency of life and people who became precious. Frontline boys, smiling men begging on the street, church friends, Oasis colleagues, neighbours.
Today to do (thanks to Heidi Baker):
It is cold in the UK - physically cold, but also relationally and spiritually cold. Investing in one person, trying to introduce them to Jesus seems a massive undertaking. In Africa it is easy - you see someone's abject poverty, give them a coin and a smile, and walk away immediately gratified knowing that you have done something small but meaningful. The greater issues of poverty are not confronted: holistic change through education, relief from corruption and the energy required by every community member to change habits. Poverty in Africa is hot, dusty, smelly, thorough and complicated.
Poverty in the UK is cold, bound by red-tape and equally complicated. As we all know, poverty here does not involve widespread homelessness, desperate illness and malnutrition (although increasingly it does involve these things), but fundamentally it centres around depression, loneliness and boredom. Oh, and spiritual deprivation, of course. The poverty is real, but people are less likely to ask for help or even recognise their own need.
The balance of life is not yet perfect - my time is divided up into the typical segments of work, home, church and 'other', but there is not yet a substantial portion allocated to 'social justice'. I moved to Nottingham to obey the call of God to return to Grace Church (which is wonderful, by the way) and get involved in social justice. My raison d'etre is still in the formative stage, and it is sometimes a little tedious waiting for the finished article of 'purpose' sown into each week-to-view of my diary.
Having said that, I have a great job with a Christian company committed to providing good, Biblical books to inspire and deepen faith. My excellent housemate and I have spent time getting to know the neighbours so as to share the Gospel over time. I am helping monthly with Street Pastors, and with a feeding programme and food bank in Nottingham. Some people are never happy!
God has kindly given me a book to help during this transitional time; 'This Ordinary Adventure', written by a couple who have lived all over the world as missionaries, and are now trying to 'settle' back into life in the United States. Their struggles, insight and reflections are precious. They sum up so much of what I feel, and I cannot wait to see how God brings them into a new, Western adventure that matters and satisfies them.
Moving to Uganda was tough, and living there was difficult and conjoured an impossible number of emotions and thoughts. Moving from Uganda was easy... until recently when I have begun to miss the urgency of life and people who became precious. Frontline boys, smiling men begging on the street, church friends, Oasis colleagues, neighbours.
Today to do (thanks to Heidi Baker):
- Make today a string of opportunities to serve people.
- Choose love in every conversation and encounter. Do not look for what I can get out of someone else but give them attention and kindness.
- Yield to God. Let go of my bad moods, tiredness and impatience and adopt God's love.
- KNOW and LOVE the poor in Nottingham. Learn from them and plan change around them.
- Surrender my money, time, future plans (of lack of), friendships, health and hope to God who knows the end from the beginning and will provide daily opportunities for 'good works', rewarding them with 'well done'.
Friday, April 27, 2012
Purpose
The purpose is praise –The purpose of life, I mean.
In case you have wondered why the rambling string of days making up a life were caused,
Or initiated,
Or sustained:
The purpose is praise.
You see, praise has always existed,
Eternally,Forever in the past and forever into the future.
Praise within God,
Praise of God,
By God.
When you are the Ultimate Good, you celebrate yourself,
Adore yourself, Praise yourself.
Is it egotistical to want others to love you if you know that loving you is the best way to find peace?
Is it selfish to desire praise if you know that through praising, others find joy?
Is it arrogant to crave a perfect friendship with someone knowing it will bring them fulfilment?
The Father loves the Son,
The Son admires the Spirit,The Spirit adores the Father,
The Father loves the Spirit,
The Spirit admires the Son,
The Son adores the Father.
The purpose is praise.
A circle of adoration.A community of admiration filling the past, present and future in this universe and beyond.
Our purpose is praise,
Invited into the circle,
The circle of adoration.
The Son left the circle,
Came to earth,Lived perfectly, suffered God’s punishment for the world’s filth, re-entered the circle.
His scarred hands are open,
Taking ours and pulling,
Pulling us in.
‘All the world's a stage’,
We act to impress or distress the Director,Who guides, teaches, instructs and applauds a life well lived; a play for His pleasure.
When the curtain falls,
We wonder the meaning,
Whether it was well-received, whether we did our best.
We learn our performance,
Our rehearsed lines,Our singing voice did not matter as much as the Director’s name stamped across the page of the programme.
His name guarantees success,
Acceptance,
Applause, and the invitation to join Him forever and ever.
Our purpose is praise,
Entering the circle,Pulling others in with us to share the adoration, the joy, the meaning.
Using our stage to attract,
Invite,
Magnetise our audience to the Director, the King, the Father whose circle of adoration is open.
Our purpose is praise.
Monday, February 27, 2012
Norton News from Nottingham
Whew! 2 months out of Africa into Nottingham. It has been wonderful to see so many of you and reconnect back into various UK-based homes. The inevitable question when in a new (and yet kinda old) place is always ‘where are you from?’ and I'm not sure. ‘Well, I grew up in Peterborough, spent a year in Florida, 3½ years in Nottingham, 5 years in Essex, 1½ years in Uganda and now Nottingham again.’
And now I have hit 29 (last Wednesday), I have to say that I am grateful to God for every single one of my years. I can honestly say that I have only ever done what I wanted, because my loving God has changed my desires to fit His own. It’s a great way to live!
Happy New Year (Better late than never)
And so… since the last Norton News, it is right for me to wish you a Happy New Year, and to declare that I am delighted the snow has stopped. Last year, friends told me what a complete pain the snow was and I chuckled from sun-drenched Uganda. Now, it IS a pain but thankfully fairly short-lived for 2012. But, snow does make our little garden in Nottingham look very pretty!
Several of you kind folks have asked for news from Nottingham, and so please settle down with a nice cup of tea to read about life since Uganda. The home-coming in December was wonderful – arriving to mum and dad at Heathrow, and a quick Costa coffee with Elspeth’s parents in the airport welcomed me back into the UK very well. The full weight of saying ‘goodbye’ to so many neighbours and friends is only just beginning to sink in now, but I am fully convinced in my heart and spirit that I am where I’m meant to be. Still, my heart pangs.
Sawyers Church allowed me 2 opportunities in January to address friends through a Wednesday night meeting, and then during a Sunday morning service. It was very satisfying to be given time to share not only silly stories, but also some of the heavier moments I faced in Africa, largely due to poverty and life’s fragility. Brilliant seeing friends, and a sudden sadness at closing the Brentwood chapter alongside the Uganda chapter.
Also in January, I visited Nottingham for one week to check that it felt right to move back there – needless to say, I did! On 26th January, I officially moved in with Lizzie in her 2 bedroom house about 15 minutes bus ride from the city centre. Lizzie is a Fundraiser for a charity, a tremendous singer, a member at Trent Vineyard church and an all-round fun housie!
The job hunt continues… After initially signing up with several job agencies, I stumbled across Office Angels who actually treated me like a valuable person and have been ringing every few days with potential jobs! Thank the Lord for Office Angels. I have an interview on Monday (27th Feb) that I’m kind of keen on… I’ll let you know! I’m looking for realistic work i.e. administration, but would love to join a company that moves and trains its staff. You know, the same kind of job EVERYONE else is looking for. However, I’m very content and quite enjoying the perks of life on benefits!
Alongside job-hunting, I’ve had plenty of time to try out some of the ministries that Grace Church is tapping into socially in Nottingham. I’ve spent 2 evenings with the Rally Project which feeds homeless and vulnerably housed people in the Radford area. I’ve also been an observer with Street Pastors helping people get home safely after a night out. I’m waiting for applications to be processed for these 2 charities, and a 3rd called The Jericho Road Project which works with prostitutes, but these things take time! One thing I’m very sure of is that while still in Uganda, God gave me a deep desire to serve Nottingham through social action. I want to know and love people with needs and problems, and show them our foot-washing Saviour. And I want to share the good life God has given me with those who don’t know or acknowledge Him… yet.
Last week was particularly fun – Emma Stone visited. We walked for hours in Nottingham’s various parks, mulled over details for her wedding in 6 weeks time, paced the city centre and met with God at Grace Church. Oh, and we ate egg-free cakes and a LOT of fruit. In preparation for her nuptials, I am on a strict diet to lose a few pounds. NOT helped by rediscovering the Malt Cross (see picture right). However, 10lbs down and the dress fits J. Now I need to NOT eat it all back on…
Remembering, remembering
Meandering down Memory Lane, a few names (some genuine, some attributed) linger in my mind.
Richard – the ex-street-boy now at school, working hard, grateful for his life and health and education. ‘Poster Man’ – selling papers and cheap pictures with his wordless grin, warm handshake and soft eyes. ‘Dignity’ – the straight-backed crippled woman begging in the same spot every day with such a look of strength I never dared pity her.
Ali – the smiling Muslim with deformed legs sitting on Kampala Road; chatty, intelligent and smiling. ‘Barclays Bank Man’ – the most emaciated and damaged body I’ve ever seen, but a Man U woolly hat covering a grinning face; crossing himself whenever somebody gave him money.
And now, there will be new people to become familiar with and to love. Not forgetting those in Uganda, but adding to them brothers and sisters from Nottingham.
PLEASE come to Nottingham! There is so much good happening, and so much more to do – I would be delighted to show you around, bring you to Grace Church and introduce you to old and new friends. It’s quite a bit closer than Kampala…
Lots of love, best wishes and thanks. If you have been giving me money via Oasis, thank you SO much, and please stop your Standing Orders! May God be more precious to us this year than ever before.
Monday, February 13, 2012
And so dawns 2012
Hello friends, it has been a LONG time but the lack has not been due to any sinister reason, just some lack of a plan!
Here in Nottingham, sitting at my new Argos desk which I built by myself (massive achievement for Nortons in the name of DIY) feeling a deep level of domestic bliss. God leads us in many ways - occasionally reluctantly but usually through what we want. I can honestly say that I have enjoyed my life thus far and done exactly what I wanted. He has changed my heart's desire to fit His own footprints, and He has brought me contentedness and fulfilment.
Work in Nottingham is not yet realised, and unemployment thus far has been delightful - lots of admin, resting, nesting and job-hunting. I am not bored or idle, but dipping into Rally Project (a feeding programme) and Street Pastors. THESE projects are why I am in Nottingham as part of Grace Church, stretching hands out to people who are usually ignored or written off. Life in Uganda has taught me that every person regardless of what they have has inherent dignity because God thought of them, made them, sustains them and has a good and positive purpose for them. Without exception. Even in Nottingham.
My current state of bliss is due in no small part to my new housemate: Bond, Lizzie Bond. As we discussed yesterday she has a perfect name - Elizabeth makes her regal, Bond makes her totally cool. She is working for a charity raising money to support the maternal health of African women. She attends Trent Vineyard and has lived in Nottingham for 10 years, arriving at the same time as me in 2002. She is fun, friendly, singing, generous and completely wonderful. I am a lucky lady.
Cue: the inspiring part. Cutting a LONG story short, I had a scare in Uganda that I may be infected with HIV. Rest, I am not. But God posed questions and formed answers during that time of waiting... If I did happen to be HIV+, how would I live?
So why not now?
Here in Nottingham, sitting at my new Argos desk which I built by myself (massive achievement for Nortons in the name of DIY) feeling a deep level of domestic bliss. God leads us in many ways - occasionally reluctantly but usually through what we want. I can honestly say that I have enjoyed my life thus far and done exactly what I wanted. He has changed my heart's desire to fit His own footprints, and He has brought me contentedness and fulfilment.
Work in Nottingham is not yet realised, and unemployment thus far has been delightful - lots of admin, resting, nesting and job-hunting. I am not bored or idle, but dipping into Rally Project (a feeding programme) and Street Pastors. THESE projects are why I am in Nottingham as part of Grace Church, stretching hands out to people who are usually ignored or written off. Life in Uganda has taught me that every person regardless of what they have has inherent dignity because God thought of them, made them, sustains them and has a good and positive purpose for them. Without exception. Even in Nottingham.
My current state of bliss is due in no small part to my new housemate: Bond, Lizzie Bond. As we discussed yesterday she has a perfect name - Elizabeth makes her regal, Bond makes her totally cool. She is working for a charity raising money to support the maternal health of African women. She attends Trent Vineyard and has lived in Nottingham for 10 years, arriving at the same time as me in 2002. She is fun, friendly, singing, generous and completely wonderful. I am a lucky lady.
Cue: the inspiring part. Cutting a LONG story short, I had a scare in Uganda that I may be infected with HIV. Rest, I am not. But God posed questions and formed answers during that time of waiting... If I did happen to be HIV+, how would I live?
· I would find the most Kingdom-building, effective job possible and work at it with all my heart.
· I would invest daily and heavily in my eternal relationship with God.
· I would seek God’s people, geography and mission for my life and be utterly devoted.
· I would throw away my DVD collection and excess possessions and live simply and generously.
· I would pray and work hard to inspire Christians around me.
· I would forget about what I look like and be utterly practical.
· I would forget all about romance, and invest instead in meaningful friendships and as an honourary aunt.
· I would build relationships with AIDS sufferers and other people with terminal illnesses, preaching with all my heart, praying that they would know their loving Saviour and Lord.
So why not now?
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