I hate Mondays.
Yesterday (a Monday) was a series of unfortunate events. I won't bore you with details, but the day included 5 taxis and 2 boddas over 7 hours (including a loud argument with a taxi conductor... who ended up being right) and a dead body. It began with misery - you know sometimes you wake up feeling miserable? That was yesterday. It ended ok having come to terms with the likelihood of things going wrong.
ANYWAY, Emma has been here for almost 1 week and we are having a fantastic time! It's fun to show her around, and it's interesting to note how many 'Ugandan' experiences and sights I am now at home with, e.g. leaning scaffolding leaning and near-death motor related accidents. I remember what it was like when I first arrived, and am enjoying walking alongside her as she encounters things for the first time. And seeing tiny children begging. What once made me weep is now a daily occurrence and has lost the emotional tug. Just being honest. She reminds me of what's important.
I want to live like Jesus and do as He did, but it's getting more confusing the more I read the Gospels and realise what a hard man He was as well as a good and loving one. Yes, I want to feed the hungry, smile at the homeless, play with children and generally pour myself out for my brothers and sisters. There is no greater nor louder calling through the Gospels.
Jesus contained the authority and glory of God, yet put it aside to live fully as a man. He knelt before His disciples and washed their dusty, dirty, tired feet (I know what that is like now). He came to serve, not to be served. But He was not a doormat. He did not serve thoughtlessly but effectively. That's where wisdom is needed.
Where I am struggling - no, not struggling but searching for explanation - is in Jesus' words. They can be not nice and there's great mystery in the red letters. God is love, but He is not lovely (on a par with puppies and Milka). It's hard. What is my role as His disciple? He was not nice and yet He was invited to dirty shin digs. He was magnetic, but utterly cutting to those whose lives were not right. Potent and fascinating.
Will we ever fully understand Jesus? No. I'd love to find more people brave enough to preach His words. All my favourite reliable preachers conveniently miss out a great deal of Jesus' words in their extensive sermon archives.
God helps - the gentle whispers and prompts of the Holy Spirit channels attention, affection and money. And He is Jesus. So I guess we can rely on Him for discipleship-lessons.
